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A good relationship with yourself

One of the results of mindfulness is seeing more clearly how we actually treat ourselves, highlighting our need to treat ourselves well. This mirrors Gestalt's emphasis on the need for healthy contact with ourselves, others, and our environment.


For many of us the idea of having a relationship with ourselves sounds strange. But we have thoughts about ourselves, we have feelings about ourselves, and we talk to ourselves (our inner conversations). Thus, we have a relationship with ourselves. And this relationship is one of the most important we will ever have; it is fundamental to all other relationships. Cheri Huber writes:


Here is the secret to the whole thing, I think. If I see myself as worthy and lovable, and if I act in the world from that place, people will see and respond accordingly.*


Our relationship with ourselves is also a favorite topic of Mariah Fenton Gladis of the Pennsylvania Gestalt Center. She coined the term: “Arrive already loved” to describe how we should begin a new relationship–already having a loving relationship with ourselves.


What kind of relationship do you have with yourself? Do you treat yourself in a kind and understanding manner, showing compassion and patience toward yourself? Or do you say harsh things to yourself and call yourself names? We hear the somewhat humorous line, "Plays well with others", but often the question is "Do we play well with ourselves?" You can, and you will like the results...and mindfulness can help.


*There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate, Cheri Huber, Keep It Simple Books, 2001. (Cheri Huber’s website)